It makes me so sad when I see women trying to force EVERYTHING in their lives.

White knuckle holding onto the steering wheel… to force things into place.

Sometimes it’s in a relationship,
Sometimes it’s at work or in their business,
sometimes it’s in their behavior.

I watch them… KILLING themselves striving for perfection.
-the perfect body
-the perfect workout
-the perfect post
-the perfect makeup
-the perfect clothes
-the perfect hair
-the perfect husband
-the perfect kids
-the perfect home
-the perfect job
-the perfect income
-the perfect promotion
-the perfect mindset
-the perfect girlfriends
-the perfect vacations
-the perfect job
-the perfect………..
So that things can be EXACTLY how they want them.

OMG… no wonder they are a hot mess on the inside!!!

This unstated goal of striving for perfection is sucking every ounce of energy out of them! It’s also sucking the life out of them!

Authenticity doesn’t exist here as most of it is a facade. A show put on for the benefit of others. Fueled by “what will they think of me” and “am I enough”.

There’s certainly minimal room for pursuing their passions as most of their energy is intertwined in achieving a goal they can never actually attain. There’s just nothing left!

Fun can only occur for them in a very controlled environment within certain guidelines. Usually… when everything is PERFECT (ie. NEVER because it’s totally unachievable).

Freedom… spontaneity… what’s that?! Always gotta look around to see who’s watching. And… with such a long checklist of thinks to mark off toward achieving this “perfection”… who’s got time for freedom?

These women definitely have no chance of feeling radiant, feminine or alive… they are too caged in by the walls of rules they’ve built around themselves.

I should know… I used to be this kind of woman!

My path to perfection was paved and littered with tears, tension and very controlling behaviors that never actually got me the result I was after.

My road to joy, freedom, and authenticity has been liberating!!! Finally free of my self imposed shackles that were holding me back from the life I REALLY wanted.

The transition wasn’t pretty at first. I had to be willing to acknowledge the walls I had built around me. I had to be willing to tear them down brick by brick. I had to notice and interrupt patterns of thought, speech and behavior that were holding me back. I had to be willing to fearlessly step into the woman I was becoming… so that I could set myself free.

It required vulnerability. It required surrender.

I’m so grateful to have had such amazing friends, coaches and mentors to support me through this metamorphosis.

For me, my need perfection appeared in almost every area of my life. Where does it show up for you?

I hope that sharing the areas where my perfectionism showed up has helped you. Maybe it brushes on a sensitive spot for you? Called attention to an area you hadn’t thought of before?
Please… share your thoughts on this concept… you might just give someone else the gift of awareness too.

Fill Your Cup

In this audio, Lea discusses the importance of “Filling Your Cup” and explains different ways to do it.

Purple Heart

In this video I share a method that my girlfriends and I use to throw a “bat signal”… a sign to our friend that we need to talk…. that we are struggling with something… that we could really use a friend… that we aren’t just calling for a chit chat… That we NEED to talk to somebody.
Who do you know that could use this sort of “bat signal” to help communicate they need support?

Do you fight with love?

My girlfriends usually look at me a bit sideways when I tell them that one of the things I’m looking for in a romantic partner is someone that can fight with.

“You WANT to fight”? 

Of course I do! It’s inevitable really. 

But I don’t want just any fight. I don’t want to fight over dumb stuff that just doesn’t matter. I don’t want to fight if it results in physical fighting of any kind.

I also don’t want to NOT fight! I don’t want to be in a relationship where we sweep things under the rug. Where things just build up and fester. Ugh… that’s the worst!

If I’m gonna fight… it will be something worthy of us… and will always be done from love. Knowing and remembering that I love, care and respect the other and would never intentionally do anything to hurt them… and knowing they feel the same. Assuming the best of each other. Being willing to discuss our viewpoints without need for name calling, slander, rudeness, manipulation or condescension.

If I’m going to fight it will be AFTER the rage monster in my mind has settled. When the white hot burning energy of the frustration, hurt, or fear has dissipated … knowing that anything that comes out of my mouth while Im in the midst of those disempowering emotions can’t possibly come from love.

When we fight we will communicate… we will disagree… we will find a way… WITH LOVE.

Have you ever fought like this? What helped you stay in a good place … where you could come from love even in the tense times?

Copyright 2017 Lea Newman